The Iron Artist: Badgers, Salvador Dali, and Duality!
by Paul Iutzi

Two easels, two brushes, two artists, but only one can claim the title Iron Artist. The art world trembled and quaked on Sunday as two giants—Bill Stout and Ted Naifeh—met in the Regency Ballroom at 10:00AM for head-to-head art combat.

The rules were simple: The painting had to contain badgers, the required style was that of Salvador Dali, the secret ingredient was duality! The winner would be determined by a charity auction held at the end of the competition.

Did you know that not everyone in Miami wears a thong or that only French badgers wear berets? Of course not, which is why it was good that emcee James Leary (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, StuntC*cks) and a specially selected panel of audience judges (including adventure seeker Magdalene Veen of the band Abney Park) were on hand to illuminate these matters, giving the rest of the audience a coherent window into the oft times esoteric and cryptic world of aesthetic battle.

Time ticked, paint flew, and, with the creative gladiators lying spent upon the field, we had a winner. Ted Naifeh’s fine work depicting infinity of panting badgers brought in $300 for the cause. It was a gallant effort, but in the end it proved not enough. $440 was the sum that purchased the portrait of a beanie-wearing badger holding a pocket watch melting into a yin yang, crowning Bill Stout this year’s Iron Artist.