At the Hyatt Embassy, in the depths of the International Tower on a Thursday night, the dreams of male authors writing female characters were upended by Rachel Rener, David Trotter, Katie Cross, Megan O’Russell, and Candy Atkins. All panelists hilariously contributed to the Fantasy Literature Track’s “Men Writing Women: Humorously Exploring Rounded and Flat Women Characters” panel at 11:30PM. Moderator Rachel Rener opened the conversation with, “Be honest, how many of you are drunk or buzzed right now?” That was only the beginning.
Rener asked each panelist to read an excerpt from a published work wherein the author—a man—described a female character. Trotter’s excerpt came from The Witches of Eastwick by John Updike, which described the ease of visits to the latrine for men as being one of their superpowers, and a maze for women doing the same. Cross had the pleasure of reading an excerpt from Damned by Chuck Palahniuk, which described a female character’s goosebumps as tiny pleasure centers. O’Russell’s excerpt, from Stuart Woods’ novel Desperate Measures, furthered the discussion about the pleasure center when a coroner discovered a driver’s license, candy, and a couple of bucks hidden inside, and then added, “Is that why there are so few pockets in women’s clothing?”
The panel attendees quickly discovered a trend. Description of female characters primarily revolved around two physical traits, especially when compared to descriptions of male characters. Rener dropped the mic with two excerpts from Stephen King’s novel The Gunslinger where a gunman shoots a man and then a woman (at various points in the book). The man stumbles outside, lands face first onto the ground, breaks his jaw and loses some teeth. The woman, however, falls on the ground in a Red-Light-District-pose with her dress settling unnaturally, where physics is concerned.
After identifying poorly written female character introductions, the panel explored some better options. Atkins advised men authors to read women’s fiction for ideas. So Rener and Cross described female characters from their respective novels. Rener described her character as tattooing a male buttock before running out of ink, so she broke into her boss’ office to steal some, an introduction that showed the character as having steady hands, is mischievous, and who doesn’t necessarily take care of her property, all without knowing her physical body size. Cross included an example of a female character who snuck onto a navy ship while carrying a sick dragon in one pocket and a healthy one under her hair, while trying to save her brother, which introduced her as being adventurous, having a strong sense of justice, and caring for her family. None of which required God-given female pockets.
Rener closed the panel with audience participation. She playfully sought revenge on nearby panelists who didn’t join her current panel, the one she worked years to get approved by Dragon Con, so she asked everyone to stand, stretch their legs and then their lungs by shouting obscene words. The crowd obliged.
