Dawn? Ha! Real beauty was on parade at the 2001 Miss Klingon Empire Beauty Pageant.
As a human, I scampered to my seat to avoid the wrath of any of the many mighty Klingon warriors that filled the hall. Other Terrans surrounded me, but off several isles to my left, the ridges far outnumbered us smooth-heads.
The three judges, Cherelyn Lambeth (Paramount Production supervisor), Autumn Sky Port (Miss Virginia Galaxy, a mere human pageant winner), and Bill Peltier (who was chosen from the audience by catching a “cosy”) took their seats. The lights dimmed. A hush fell over the hall. And then, the ten contestants (minus one, contestant number five failed to show–“dishonor upon her house,” shouted emcee Eric Watts) began their parade.
Such femininity. Such grace. Such violence.
Each contestant was judged on beauty, talent, and personality. The beauty was obvious; the talents were varied: Klingon opera singing, several poetry readings, a “Bat’leth” battle demo. Lt. Commander Dejinaera vestai-Veska made some bloodwine, but as there were no Klingon Targs available (boar-like Targs are very pricey in Atlanta), she used the closest Terran equivalent–a plush Barney. No one mourned the death of Barney.
Finally, each contestant answered a question to display her personality. Lt. Commander Keela sutai-Septaric was not going to be restrained by trivial Terran rules and grabbed all the questions, read them, and chose the one she liked best: “If Gowron (for those of you who don’t watch Star Trek, he’s a now defunct Klingon emperor) was your dinner guest, what would you serve him?” Her answer? “Nothing, he’s dead, Jim.” Well, nothing could be more Klingon than that.
First runner up: Dejinaera (Arilyn Starling)
Miss Klingon, 2001: Keela (Sherry Williams)
As the crowd roared its approval, the new Miss Klingon was awarded a plaque, roses, a scepter, a dagger, and a Romulan love-slave. Yup, a love-slave.
Photo by Matthew Foster
Those Klingons sure know how to put on a pageant.
Note: The Klingon Empire would like to remind you of the blood drive on Monday, here at Dragon*Con. Giving blood is the honorable thing to do.
